Wednesday, January 01, 2014

You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath

grey's anatomy.
victoria's secret.
nails as black as my soul.
cutie clementines.
les mis.
bottom eyelashes.
pandora bracelets.

making your bf/gf your man candy monday/woman candy wednesday. *gag*
the fact that hollister is out but but i'm wearing a sweatshirt from there. oops.
lime green.
finishing a tv series on netflix.
alarm clocks.
valentine's day.
immature people.

If you love me let me go

Random rant of the day brought to you by yours truly.
So I was thinking. Shocker right? Anyways, with it being a new year and all, I think New Years resolutions are dumb. I honestly don't believe in them. If you want something you should make it happen right then & there. How many people actually follow through with their New Years resolution anyways? Want to be skinnier? Do better in school? Get a steady boyfriend? Okay. Good for you. Now go make it happen, its your life. I kinda had this moment the other night where it hit me that as of right now I can literally do whatever I want with my life. I'm not even 16 yet. I still get to pick my career path and where to live and even where to go to college. I have all of these decisions ahead of me. Thats also insanely scary. I get to pick all of this stuff. Like my options are endless. The only problem is, making decisions is not my strong suit. At all. I never know what I want and I find myself second guessing anything and everything. Like what if I make the wrong choice? Choose the wrong thing. And the thing is, you usually never know how things would have ended up had you chose the other option. It just scares me how much one decision can change everything else in my life and idk its so overwhelming.
Anyways this is kinda going to be another rant too so.
Is physical cheating worse than emotional? Like would you rather your bf/gf have a random hook up once because they were really drunk or be in love with another person? I honestly can't decide which would be worse. I feel like if my (hypothetical) boyfriend were in love with another girl too it would be worse. Even if there wasn't anything physical going on between them, even if he was more in love with me. Just the fact that I wasn't enough would drive me crazy. Okay this rant is slowly getting dumber and dumber so
Rant #3
If a guy only does something sweet for you after he's totally screwed up then he's a grade A asshole. I mean girls shouldn't expect too much, guys aren't perfect as you can obviously tell by now. But if he literally never does anything sweet for you unless he has reasoning behind it then he's only looking out for himself. Like I'm not even saying he has to do something big. But just randomly bringing you coffee or candy or a note because he feels like it goes a long way. My friend has been on and off with a guy for several months now. Like almost 6. And he never really did anything cute &/or sweet. Until last week when she found out that while they were together he hooked up with several girls at parties. Then he sends her a dozen red roses. Like okay, the roses were nice & probably expensive but he's only doing that because he knows he screwed up and now he's trying to be all cute. Like no, it doesn't work like that. Not to mention he straight up lied about it too. She had questioned him after one night that seemed really sketchy and he denied everything. Two months later my friend finds out from her younger sister because she was friends with one of the girls he got with. Two days after she finds out a dozen roses end up on her doorstep. Moral of the story: Boys are assholes, and if they only send you flowers after they've screwed up don't forgive them. And hey, at least you got free flowers.
Seriously though, that guy is lucky I'm grounded or I would have snapped on him by now.
And I mean some of you guys are probably thinking I'm a total hypocrite right now because of the whole talking to a guy and kissing my ex and all that but I didn't lie about it. I straight up told the guy I was talking to the truth because whats the point in lying everyone finds out everything anyways. And hey, the guy I was talking to is still into me. Even though thats probably a bad idea considering my thoughts are a mess and I'm kinda a wreck sometimes and have no clue what I want but oh well we've been talking for a couple months now he knows all that.. I just kinda feel bad for anyone that gets too invested in me. Just because I don't get that invested in people. Saves you from getting hurt, let me tell you that. I don't want anything serious yet. I'll be 16 in a month. I want to be young & free and independent. I'd rather hang out with my friends than a guy like 90% of the time anyways. I have the rest of my life to be tied down.
Okay that was kinda 4 different rants sorry.
But I feel like this post is getting long so
XOXO Hannah