Wednesday, January 01, 2014

You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath

grey's anatomy.
victoria's secret.
nails as black as my soul.
cutie clementines.
les mis.
bottom eyelashes.
pandora bracelets.

making your bf/gf your man candy monday/woman candy wednesday. *gag*
the fact that hollister is out but but i'm wearing a sweatshirt from there. oops.
lime green.
finishing a tv series on netflix.
alarm clocks.
valentine's day.
immature people.

If you love me let me go

Random rant of the day brought to you by yours truly.
So I was thinking. Shocker right? Anyways, with it being a new year and all, I think New Years resolutions are dumb. I honestly don't believe in them. If you want something you should make it happen right then & there. How many people actually follow through with their New Years resolution anyways? Want to be skinnier? Do better in school? Get a steady boyfriend? Okay. Good for you. Now go make it happen, its your life. I kinda had this moment the other night where it hit me that as of right now I can literally do whatever I want with my life. I'm not even 16 yet. I still get to pick my career path and where to live and even where to go to college. I have all of these decisions ahead of me. Thats also insanely scary. I get to pick all of this stuff. Like my options are endless. The only problem is, making decisions is not my strong suit. At all. I never know what I want and I find myself second guessing anything and everything. Like what if I make the wrong choice? Choose the wrong thing. And the thing is, you usually never know how things would have ended up had you chose the other option. It just scares me how much one decision can change everything else in my life and idk its so overwhelming.
Anyways this is kinda going to be another rant too so.
Is physical cheating worse than emotional? Like would you rather your bf/gf have a random hook up once because they were really drunk or be in love with another person? I honestly can't decide which would be worse. I feel like if my (hypothetical) boyfriend were in love with another girl too it would be worse. Even if there wasn't anything physical going on between them, even if he was more in love with me. Just the fact that I wasn't enough would drive me crazy. Okay this rant is slowly getting dumber and dumber so
Rant #3
If a guy only does something sweet for you after he's totally screwed up then he's a grade A asshole. I mean girls shouldn't expect too much, guys aren't perfect as you can obviously tell by now. But if he literally never does anything sweet for you unless he has reasoning behind it then he's only looking out for himself. Like I'm not even saying he has to do something big. But just randomly bringing you coffee or candy or a note because he feels like it goes a long way. My friend has been on and off with a guy for several months now. Like almost 6. And he never really did anything cute &/or sweet. Until last week when she found out that while they were together he hooked up with several girls at parties. Then he sends her a dozen red roses. Like okay, the roses were nice & probably expensive but he's only doing that because he knows he screwed up and now he's trying to be all cute. Like no, it doesn't work like that. Not to mention he straight up lied about it too. She had questioned him after one night that seemed really sketchy and he denied everything. Two months later my friend finds out from her younger sister because she was friends with one of the girls he got with. Two days after she finds out a dozen roses end up on her doorstep. Moral of the story: Boys are assholes, and if they only send you flowers after they've screwed up don't forgive them. And hey, at least you got free flowers.
Seriously though, that guy is lucky I'm grounded or I would have snapped on him by now.
And I mean some of you guys are probably thinking I'm a total hypocrite right now because of the whole talking to a guy and kissing my ex and all that but I didn't lie about it. I straight up told the guy I was talking to the truth because whats the point in lying everyone finds out everything anyways. And hey, the guy I was talking to is still into me. Even though thats probably a bad idea considering my thoughts are a mess and I'm kinda a wreck sometimes and have no clue what I want but oh well we've been talking for a couple months now he knows all that.. I just kinda feel bad for anyone that gets too invested in me. Just because I don't get that invested in people. Saves you from getting hurt, let me tell you that. I don't want anything serious yet. I'll be 16 in a month. I want to be young & free and independent. I'd rather hang out with my friends than a guy like 90% of the time anyways. I have the rest of my life to be tied down.
Okay that was kinda 4 different rants sorry.
But I feel like this post is getting long so
XOXO Hannah

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Off black cadillac, midnight drive

We got a new puppy today. His name is Charlie and he's the cutest thing you've ever seen. He's so tiny and precious and he makes me happy. Who needs boys when you have dogs anyways. Dogs can't cheat on you or flirt with other girls while talking to you or try to get with your bestfriend. Not like I can really be talking but still. Animals are better than people thats for sure.
Turns out the big party that was the Friday we got out of school for break that I had to miss bc grounded got busted by 10:00 anyways. Guess thats what happens when literally everyone is going.

Hannah Thinks..
I need some serious retail therapy.
Being grounded sucks.
But its only for a month & in the grand scheme of things won't effect my life so I'll get over it.
Just one long lonely boring month.
I still want a hedgehog.
I'm getting really sleepy.
And its only midnight?
I watched the last episode of 90210 last night & now I'm sad :(
Even though that show made me hate my life.
Because the people on it lived in Beverly Hills & had such interesting lives.
Can I please just look like Annalynne McCord?
I actually like the song Replay x Zendaya.
I'm reading The Host by Stephenie Meyer & it's good.
I like sleeping way too much.
Probably because I'm not thinking when I'm sleeping.

Well I'm out for the night guys.
XOXO Hannah

Friday, December 27, 2013

I don't know where I'm going but do you have room for one more troubled soul

Seems like I always start posting on here when I'm grounded. oops. Anyways. This time I'm grounded for sneaking out with my ex. Yes the ginger. Who I also kissed. While "talking" to another guy. I'm sure this sounds like a very interesting story but it's also extremely complicated and I'm kinda done talking about it because I'd rather not think about it anymore because it just kinda overwhelms me. And that was an extreme run on sentence and I don't even care. So.
I finally read A Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Such a good book. Even if you aren't a book reader I'd recomend checking it out anyways. The guy has a way with words thats for sure.
Anyways I was reading my older blog posts and cracking up because of how different everything is now. Can't believe I've had this blog since I was in 8th grade. If only I was still as innocent as I was in 8th grade. My life might be a little simpler. Oh well you can't really change the past though so its whatever.
Being grounded gives you alot of time to think.
Random thought of the day: I'm actually really pissed that I didn't go to Rocky Horror Picture Show when they had a show here. Like I mean dressing like a slut and hanging out with trannies and being crazy and stupid for a night sounds pretty dang perfect to me. So thats definitely on my bucket list. I am going to it at some point. I wonder if any of my friends would go with me though tbh...
But I think we might be getting a new puppy. A morkie. They're adorable if you've never seen one before. We're going to the breeders tomorrow to look at the puppies. I'm so excited. Animals make me so happy.
I got a keyboard for Christmas. Oh yeah Merry Christmas btw. If anyones even reading this. Might as well be polite though and say it. But back to the keyboard. I'm going to start taking lessons again. I can read music somewhat and create scales and know my rythms decently well because of choir. But its been a couple years since I've actually played. I'm pretty excited about picking it up again. I feel like it will be relaxing for me. I honestly love anything that can get me to stop thinking. I have such a hard time relaxing sometimes. I have anxiety that will get so bad that I feel nauseous and won't eat and then I'll start feeling light headed.. Even though thats probably just because I wouldn't eat. But yeah. Reading helps. And doing puzzles. Or washing dishes. Anything that can get me to concentrate on something other than the mess inside my head that are supposed to be my thoughts.
Is it bad that my 16th birthday is in a month and I'm honestly not even very excited. Idek why. My birthday is usually my most favorite thing ever. And its my 16th birthday too. Thats supposed to be a big deal. I'm just kinda over growing up. I'm so done with highschool. Everything is just so dumb and the things that are important now won't matter in 5 years so I just try to not care about things but that just seems to complicate things even more. I never know what I want. I don't want a boyfriend honestly. I always seem to get caught between wanting two guys who both like me. And that ends with me not being able to make a decision and doing something stupid and getting grounded and ultimately ending up not exactly unhappy, but definitely not happy either. Just kind of blah. That kinda explains my being. Just blah about everything. Everythings just there. I get mad and upset but I get over stuff in about 10 seconds too so. I don't hold a grudge. I can't. I don't think I care enough to honestly. I feel like such a spoiled little brat beacuse I have a great life but I'm just so sick of everything.
I know what I want once I leave highschool though. I want to go to college, IU maybe or some other big school. Get a degree in law and/or business. Move to a bigger city. Chigaco, St. Louis idk somewhere not here. Work there for a while getting my groundwork laid out for the future, live alone in an apartment with my cute little cat that loves me. Then move to a big city. Either in New York or Cali. Depends on which I like better. Then once I'm living there I can meet whoever I'm going to marry. I'll get married in my late 20's. Like at least 27. Then maybe once I'm 30 I'll consider having kids. Or a kid more likely. Idk I don't really want kids so. And I don't want to get married until I'm older because I want to be able to get my life figured out by myself before I have to worry about a husband or kids. I'm not letting someone hold me back from getting what I want.

new puppies.
cat lounges.
red lipstick.

being in highschool.
here. as always.
capital letters.

XOXO Hannah

Friday, December 06, 2013

Dropping glasses just to hear them break



Put up your hands, say I don't wanna be in love

Wow I haven't posted on here in a while uhm hi idek what to do anymore to be honest hahah. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

You are the antidote to everything except for me

Hannah thinks..
I haven't posted forever..
Sorry babes.
But I am now so.
Boys that can drive. >>>
Spring break is the best thing ever.
Other than its like 40 degrees.
Glee is so stereotypical.
This English project is killing me.
This summer is going to be perfect.
I'm so over boys that play football.
And basketball.
And soccer.
But hey.
Baseball players are still fun to look at.
Being in a food fight would suck.
I'm talking to a guy in a band.
You guys are all jealous right now.
Don't even lie.
He sings and plays the guitar.
And can drive.
Try to contain your jealousy.
Twitter is addicting.
But Instagram is better.
I love food.
I want Taco Bell.
And I want to go to prom.
Just ask me to prom already.
I heart shopping.
Well bya lovelies.