Friday, December 27, 2013

I don't know where I'm going but do you have room for one more troubled soul

Seems like I always start posting on here when I'm grounded. oops. Anyways. This time I'm grounded for sneaking out with my ex. Yes the ginger. Who I also kissed. While "talking" to another guy. I'm sure this sounds like a very interesting story but it's also extremely complicated and I'm kinda done talking about it because I'd rather not think about it anymore because it just kinda overwhelms me. And that was an extreme run on sentence and I don't even care. So.
I finally read A Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Such a good book. Even if you aren't a book reader I'd recomend checking it out anyways. The guy has a way with words thats for sure.
Anyways I was reading my older blog posts and cracking up because of how different everything is now. Can't believe I've had this blog since I was in 8th grade. If only I was still as innocent as I was in 8th grade. My life might be a little simpler. Oh well you can't really change the past though so its whatever.
Being grounded gives you alot of time to think.
Random thought of the day: I'm actually really pissed that I didn't go to Rocky Horror Picture Show when they had a show here. Like I mean dressing like a slut and hanging out with trannies and being crazy and stupid for a night sounds pretty dang perfect to me. So thats definitely on my bucket list. I am going to it at some point. I wonder if any of my friends would go with me though tbh...
But I think we might be getting a new puppy. A morkie. They're adorable if you've never seen one before. We're going to the breeders tomorrow to look at the puppies. I'm so excited. Animals make me so happy.
I got a keyboard for Christmas. Oh yeah Merry Christmas btw. If anyones even reading this. Might as well be polite though and say it. But back to the keyboard. I'm going to start taking lessons again. I can read music somewhat and create scales and know my rythms decently well because of choir. But its been a couple years since I've actually played. I'm pretty excited about picking it up again. I feel like it will be relaxing for me. I honestly love anything that can get me to stop thinking. I have such a hard time relaxing sometimes. I have anxiety that will get so bad that I feel nauseous and won't eat and then I'll start feeling light headed.. Even though thats probably just because I wouldn't eat. But yeah. Reading helps. And doing puzzles. Or washing dishes. Anything that can get me to concentrate on something other than the mess inside my head that are supposed to be my thoughts.
Is it bad that my 16th birthday is in a month and I'm honestly not even very excited. Idek why. My birthday is usually my most favorite thing ever. And its my 16th birthday too. Thats supposed to be a big deal. I'm just kinda over growing up. I'm so done with highschool. Everything is just so dumb and the things that are important now won't matter in 5 years so I just try to not care about things but that just seems to complicate things even more. I never know what I want. I don't want a boyfriend honestly. I always seem to get caught between wanting two guys who both like me. And that ends with me not being able to make a decision and doing something stupid and getting grounded and ultimately ending up not exactly unhappy, but definitely not happy either. Just kind of blah. That kinda explains my being. Just blah about everything. Everythings just there. I get mad and upset but I get over stuff in about 10 seconds too so. I don't hold a grudge. I can't. I don't think I care enough to honestly. I feel like such a spoiled little brat beacuse I have a great life but I'm just so sick of everything.
I know what I want once I leave highschool though. I want to go to college, IU maybe or some other big school. Get a degree in law and/or business. Move to a bigger city. Chigaco, St. Louis idk somewhere not here. Work there for a while getting my groundwork laid out for the future, live alone in an apartment with my cute little cat that loves me. Then move to a big city. Either in New York or Cali. Depends on which I like better. Then once I'm living there I can meet whoever I'm going to marry. I'll get married in my late 20's. Like at least 27. Then maybe once I'm 30 I'll consider having kids. Or a kid more likely. Idk I don't really want kids so. And I don't want to get married until I'm older because I want to be able to get my life figured out by myself before I have to worry about a husband or kids. I'm not letting someone hold me back from getting what I want.

new puppies.
cat lounges.
red lipstick.

being in highschool.
here. as always.
capital letters.

XOXO Hannah

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