Boy you can say anything you wanna, I don't give a shh no one else can have ya

I hate it here. So incredibly freaking much. I hate this town. I wish I lived somewhere big. I swear I was meant to live in a big city. I love being busy, love going out, the noise and loudness. Loud music, cute boys, tall buildings... It sounds so perfect. I would go to so many concerts and see al these broadway plays and everything... My dad thinks I'm rebelling. Maybe I am. I went vegetarian. I started doing dramatic eyeliner and wavy hair everyday (thats mainly for my indie style thing I want, but he doesn't like the eyeliner), dressing somewhat crazy and "trampy" (Its called being a 14 year old girl...) and I don't talk around him. Mainly because we don't agree on anything and why does he deserve to hear what I say? Its the small things they do to try to control me that really bugs me. Like how my mom says I can't drink coffee because it has to much caffeine? I don't even especially like coffee but now I'm going to drink it just because they said I shouldn't. And I'm not supposed to listen to explicit music? Screw that. I've heard it all already. And the way I dress. I'm going to dress the way I want too. And my makeup. They've finally given up on bugging me about that. They'd probably flip if they found out I had a blog. Oh well. I like writing. Alot. I doubt they even know that though. They say they feel like they don't know me anymore. Well maybe if you cared to ask how things are going? Like when I was dating the ginger neither of my parents ever asked how we were doing or anything. I can't wait to go off to college. I want to go far far away. And never look back. I guess I'll miss my mom kinda... But I'm pretty sure my dad will just be happy I'm gone. I feel like screaming my head off right now but I won't because of my whole silence not talking thing. But yeah. This post sucks and makes no sense and I'm kinda ashamed of my sucky writing skills here but I'm going to post it anyways since I took the time to write all this out. XOXO--hannah

Make it nasty

My friday night sucks. But I'm grounded so that ezplains it... And if someone would email me... You would seriously be the most amazing person ever. Not even kidding. Pleaseee. You know you want too. --> hannah.f1368@gmail.com do it. Now. Thanks darlings (: you can even tell me your whole life story. I won't judge people are annoying anyways. I wish I had my phone back... I need to talk to people. Do I seem like I'm 14? I hate being so young. If I could change anything in my life I would make myself older. 17 at least. I could drive... I'd be legal in less than a year. Almost done with highschool... Sounds perfect. My age is constantly screwing me over. And people always assume I'm older than I am.... Then when they find out I'm 14 (and a half) they aren't interested in me. I hate it. And I'm not going to be that girl that's 14 and dting a 19 year old... Not like that would work out with my parents anyways... *sigh* XOXO--hannah

Don't you want me baby?

So I was thinking about last summer... And how different things were from this summer. At the beginning of last summer I hadn't even kissed a guy yet... And at the beginning of the summer I was talking to 4 guys at the same time. Talk talking. And one had a girlfriend...Then I met this other guy. Well we actually already knew each other but just as friends. Then we ran into each other again and he started texting me and things got interesting. But it was fun. Then this summer... I talked to a bunch of random guys... Met some new really cute ones... Got hit on by guys from my new school... And a bunch of sophmores from the school I'm supposed to go too. And a couple juniors... And a senior... And a freshman. In college. And he was STILL interested after I told him I was 14... Creeeep. But really. And somewhere between this all me and the ginger were still talking.... Then hooked up... Then got back together... Hooked up more.... Broke up...got in a fight....apoligized....started talking again...i hooked up with "john"... Regretted it....hooked up with john again... Didnt regret it so much the second time...got grounded.... Decided all boys should go fall in a hole. And there is my summer. Hahahahahahah wow. I'm really stupid. But I'm still grounded and desperately seeking someone to vent everything too... I'm a good listener too I've been told... But someone (if anyone is even reading this) should email me! We can vent to each other about how stupidly amazing peiple are.... hannah.f1368@gmail.com XOXO--hannah

I'm just saying its fine by me if you never leave & we could stay like this forever its fine by me

So my bestfriend just left . I had missed her so much. I vented like the whole story that happened to her. I had to tell somebody the whole story because no one actually knows... And we made the best fudge ever. Seriously. Best thing you will ever eat. And watched Saw 3. Life scarring. Like I can watch stuff like that and it won't bother me. What gets to me is the sound and smell of things. Especially the smell. So I'm usually okay with movies. But just certain smells gag me for some reason. Its the most random smells too. My mom got poison ivy. Om her face. So looks like we're not going anywhere today. I'll jus read I guess. My.life.is.so.boring. But its almost fall, m favorite season. I mean, amazng weather, foorball games, the fall festival, and halloween. I adore fall. Its just so perfect. I'm kinda ready for school to start though. I've been so bored. I hate it. It's mainly because I'm grounded though... *sigh* i'll vent later since I have no idea what to talk about now. XOXO--hannah

The lights are out and I barely know you, its closing up and the place is slowing down, I knew you'd come around

So I'm still just being bored. And watching gossip girl. Blair pretty much just explained my way of thinking. She had 2 guys in love with her, and she's in love with both of them. But it 's in different ways.. With louie things are simple and easy and he makes her happy. But with Chuck things are crazy and intense and when they fight they always end up back with each other even with all the other people they've been with. I don't know who she'll choose. Louie is perfect. But her and Chuck have history. I kinda get what she's saying. It's so hard to let go of people. She chose louie... I actually think I would have picked Chuck. He's done terrible things. But still. I want something crazy, nft perfect

Take me away, a secret place, a sweet escape, take me away

I had this dream last night. Aren't your dreams supposed to mean something? Be like a subconsious way of telling you something? This dream wasweird. All of my dreams are. But this one was really weird. In the dream I was at my grandparents house. They live in the middle of no where with like trees and cornfields surrounding them. And they have like a ton of land. Its actually really peaceful. But anyways. There was this guy there. And in my dream I knew him. But in real life I have no idea who he was? But I have to know him, don't I? I read somewhere that if someone is in your dreams, you have to know them, your mind can't just create a new person and put them in your dream. So thats the really weird part. Like he was john. But he wasn't actually John. I just had the same history with him that I had with John. But I don't know who the guy in my dream was. It's driving me crazy. We were like sneaking off and kissing and stuff but everone was trying to keep us apart. But we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I can't believe i still can't figure out who the guy was. He was cute... But not stunning or anything. And he was so familiar. Thats all I can really remember though. Maybe I don't want to remember who the guy in my dream was. Maybe it's a sign. It was so weird. I'm kinda hoping I dream about him again so I can figure out who he is... We had a connection. At least in my dream... But who know. I'm probably just being weird. XOXO--hannah

You know that you could be my favorite one night stand

So. I always start my posts out by saying so... Oh well. I did absolutely nothing. Well. I did stuff. But none of its worth remembering. I feel so stuck. So trapped. I hate it. With a passion. Hah. The ginger used to always make fun of me for saying that. I haven't talked to him in almost 2 weeks. That is a record for me. Seriously. We never go this long without talking. Even the time I told him to just stop talking me, and he literally would not acknowlege my presence, even if his friends were talking to me, that didn't even last a week. This is so weird. But not in a bad way. What I needed was a break. And this is giving me one. And time for the whole John thing to blow over. And time for us to finally get over each other. And hopefully just go back to being friends. For me, once I'm completely over someone I'm over them. Like we can even talk again and flirt and everything and it just won't be there for me anymore. Which is good I guess. Maybe. But I can't figure myself out anymore. I don't know who I want to be. Do I want to be the good girl always doing what everyone else thinks I should do? That seems like the logical answer. But honestly... I want to be crazy. Making last minute plans, doing what I feel like when I want too. Spontaneous you could say. I think things go better unplanned. Planning things put to much pressure on everything. Be spontaneous. Thats my new motto. And I mean... Yolo. I definately used that as my excuse this summer. And you know what? It was fun. And I learned from my mistakes. Even though I'm not sure it was a mistake. Everything happens for a reason. Thats all I need to say. XOXO-hannah