Monday, July 30, 2012


So I was just thinking about some of the things I did this summer... They were pretty crazy. And like no one knows about them. One of my bestfriends knows everything since she was there for alot of it... And the guys involved know too. But other than that no one else really knows what happened. And aloot happened. That was random... I guess I'm a random person though. I was in a really good mood today. I mad a cake and we had shrimp for dinner! And apparently I can still eat shrimp despite my vegetarianism. So that was nice. I got to talk to my bestfriend too... Honestly I just really need my friends right now. It's so weird not having my phone though. I haven't talked to people I would talk to pretty much everyday just because I don't have my phone so that kinda sucks. I'm just ready to be at the point where I'm old enough that my parents can't take my phone away. But anyways. Today I discovered that I am attracted to certain words. Some words I just like. And I'm not really sure why. It's not neccesarily the meaning or the spelling or anything like that... It's just the word. Words I like... -wanderlust -spontaneous -invisible -free -soar -mess -beautiful -young -lovely -safe -rain -story -bliss -escape -sweetest -addiction -dreamer -lust -forget -too -honesty -lips -kiss -death -panic -tragedy -why See? I told you the words were random. I also have like an obsession with song lyrics. They make everything sound so perfect. They explain my life. I can memorize a song so easily... But I heard this song earlier today on the radio that was like "Do you love me, even with my dark side?" and i was just thinking about how true those lyrics are. Everyone doeshave a dark side. And for someone to love you even after they have seen that dark side I think means they are the one. And I thi k some people just aren't meant to find that person. I believe everyone does have a soulmate, but not everyone is meant to find them. I kinda believe that we can change who our soulmate is. If we change an interest, or say do one thing, auch as decide to not go on a trip you may not meet your person you were meant too. I'm a pretty strong believer in fate too though. I've gotten to the point where I've decided everything happens for a reason. There was a reason for everything, whether you know it or not. Like there was a reason I got with John. Maybe it was because in the long run it would make the ginger mad. Maybe it was because I needed to realize that that is all we would ever be, a kind of friends with benefits thing I guess you could see. Maybe it was because I just needed to get what happened between us over with. But whatever the reason may have been, there was one... But anyways. I was talking to my friend on the phone earlier today... And she said she'd talked to John right after the thing happened with us (before I got grounded) and she had asked him how things were between us and everything an apparently he was just like I'm not really sure. If this was a yes or no question then yes I like her. But if you're asking what we are then I really have no idea. And thats the way I was with him too. He knew I liked the ginger. And he kissed me anyways. I could hate him for that. He was there. I needed someone. And things went farther than what I was expecting. Boys are so stupid. I'm pretty sure he thought he could make me not like the ginger anymore... Too bad its not quite that easy. If all it took for me to get over the ginger was to kiss a couple other guys then I would have gotten over him forever ago. It just seems that no matter what, Iwe always end up back with each other. And I want to just be done with that. Be on my own. I don't think I really want a boyfriend... I say that now. But then I'll meet a guy. I won't want to be fully commited, but I'll expect him to be. I don't like dating. It complicatess things. But at the same time I love knowing someone is mine, and just mine. Dating them shows that they have chosen you over everyone else, that you are the one that they really want. Yet at the same time it makes things so confusing... I talked alot today... Oh well. XOXO--hannah

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