Tuesday, July 31, 2012

She came along got him alone & lets hear the applause, she took him faster than you could say sabotage

So I've been thinking. (still grounded, so alot of thinking and reading) (*sigh*). And I came to the conclusion that I don't fall in love. I honestly don't really even get the concept of love. I mean, yes I'm only 14... But Ithought I would have it figured out by now. I'm pretty sure other people have though I was in love and I think Ihave too... Butin all honesty.. I haven't been. Have I? I think its one of those things that when it happens you will know for sure. Like of course theres people I love, my family, my puppy, my 4 best friends... But I don't get attached like that to many people. I just want to meet that one person that I can never stop thinking about. The guy that when We're together I'll just know. Know he's the right one. Make me realize that all of the other guys I've been with were never the right one. I just need that assurance I guess. I dont't want to give everthing to someone that will walk away just as quickly as they walked in. But what if that never happens? What if things just don't happen that way? Iknow my way of thinking is kinda fairytaleish. Butthat doesnt mean it cant be true. And I know you have to work at things to make a relationship last, that everything isn't going to be a perfect fairy tale ending, but I want a guy that will actually be worth the time and worth working at it for. Not a guy that will say one thing and do another... Which they all seem to do. I guess at this point I'm just ready to stop messing around. I just wish I was older. I know alot of people say that your 4 years in highschool are some of the best years of your life, but really I'm just ready to be in 20. In colege, getting my law degree, my future ahead of me with no one telling me what to do or how to live MY life. Noone seems to get that its my life. Mine. If I screw it up... Well looks like thats my problem isn't it? And really, Ijust need to make my mistakes and learn from them. I so can't wait until I'm 18... Don't get me wrong... I don't not like school. I mean, I'm pretty popular, I have friends, and guys are constantly telling me how pretty I am... But thats it. What people never look at is the fact that I'm actually smart. I'm in honors, and manage to have a social life well getting grades just as good as the dorky girl who does nothing but worry about school constantly. I want to be different. Not just another pretty face. I mean yeah, compliments are nice, especially from certain people... But I've kinda gotten to the point where I'm just like so do you really mean anything you're saying or have you just heard I'm easy and want to get in my pants? Thats another thing I hate. Just because you're pretty and guys like you, that makes you a slut. Yay. The joys of being a teenager. I'm just ready for my real life to begin. The life where I make my choices. I've alreadykinda started trying to do that. I became a vegetarian (but its also healthier) and I've started dressing indie (which is kinda expensive so I'm trying to get into DIY things since I never have money) . And when I turn 18 I plan on getting a tatoo on my wrist that says fearless in cursive letters. And getting one ear peirced twice plus the cartilage and the other pierced about 6 times. For the past year I've been telling everyone I'm going to be a lawyer... And i have the qualities for a lawyer. Confident, good in front of crowds, good arguer, can present my points well, persuAsive, and I'm not going to lie, I'm a pretfy good liar... But I've been thinking about it. And I like writing. Really like it. But I don't think I could actually write a book... I don't have the patience. But I could work for a fashion magazine or newspaper in a big city. Or even run the blog for a magazine or something... Writing interests me. I can never seem to be able to tell people my thoughts. Or my deep ones at least. But writing tgem is just so... Easy. It just comes naturally. And I mean I talk ALOT. But if someone were to ask me in person right now to explain my feelings for the ginger or john... I couldn't. I just couldn't but then I could wrie it down in a journal or in this blog just fine. Is that weird? I just don't like showing people my weaknesses I guess. But really I just can'tfigure myself out. And If I can't then how can I expect other people too? I guess this has been enough boring typijg of all the thoughts in my head forone night... XOXO--hannah

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